We (I am a parent too, remember) often want to provide for our children the upbringing we hoped we would have received and are often at a loss on how to deliver it. As parents today, we face many challenges, top of the list are "challenging or defiant behaviors." Below are questions that we grapple with and struggle addressing:
1. What do we do with defiance that escalates?
2. What do you do with an uncooperative child?
3. How do I ease transitions for my overtired/stressed child?
The short answer, "Stay Calm." Children follow our lead and are constantly learning from our example. The more composed we are in handling a situation the faster it will deescalate, making it easier to deal with in the moment. This applies to an uncooperative or stressed child too.
After we accomplish keeping our own emotions in order, we can move to the next step -changing the state of being. This can be done through humor, distraction or nurturing. The trick is to keep it somewhat novel so that it engages your child's "cognitive" brain. (For reasons for why this works check out: The Whole Brain Child ). Once your child is calm you can discuss the situation and brainstorm problem-solving strategies to use in the future.
Typically, the above actions although simple are every effective in minimizing less than ideal behavior in a child. What takes time, effort and practice are the actions you must take to prevent the behavior in the first place. To help parents remember what to do I created a mnemonic device: P.O.P. which stands for Prevention, Observation and Practice. In order to prevent a meltdown from happening we must as adults plan ahead and state our expectations in advance in a clear manner. Also we must be attune with our children by noting their triggers for "challenging behavior" and observing how they handle a variety of situations. Finally, we must practice with our children. I call it the power of the "Redo." Children want to please, especially their parents, and it can be empowering to them to receive an opportunity to make amends. Also role-playing can be a great way to practice a skill in a fun-loving way.
Above all enjoy your children and believe in your parenting abilities. Happy Parenting!
1. What do we do with defiance that escalates?
2. What do you do with an uncooperative child?
3. How do I ease transitions for my overtired/stressed child?
The short answer, "Stay Calm." Children follow our lead and are constantly learning from our example. The more composed we are in handling a situation the faster it will deescalate, making it easier to deal with in the moment. This applies to an uncooperative or stressed child too.
After we accomplish keeping our own emotions in order, we can move to the next step -changing the state of being. This can be done through humor, distraction or nurturing. The trick is to keep it somewhat novel so that it engages your child's "cognitive" brain. (For reasons for why this works check out: The Whole Brain Child ). Once your child is calm you can discuss the situation and brainstorm problem-solving strategies to use in the future.
Typically, the above actions although simple are every effective in minimizing less than ideal behavior in a child. What takes time, effort and practice are the actions you must take to prevent the behavior in the first place. To help parents remember what to do I created a mnemonic device: P.O.P. which stands for Prevention, Observation and Practice. In order to prevent a meltdown from happening we must as adults plan ahead and state our expectations in advance in a clear manner. Also we must be attune with our children by noting their triggers for "challenging behavior" and observing how they handle a variety of situations. Finally, we must practice with our children. I call it the power of the "Redo." Children want to please, especially their parents, and it can be empowering to them to receive an opportunity to make amends. Also role-playing can be a great way to practice a skill in a fun-loving way.
Above all enjoy your children and believe in your parenting abilities. Happy Parenting!